Throwing Rocks At Kingdom Hearts
by lamatikah
Summary: When at a crossroads, you can either choose: straight on, left, right or back where you came from. But who really wants to go 'back where they came from'. Wouldn't you prefer to throw rocks at Kingdom Hearts and generally make Xemnas mad? OC!alert
1. Prologue

**_Throwing_stonesat_Kingdom_Hearts**

**(And_generally_making_Xemnas_mad)**

**-o-o- Prologue -o-o-**

_-x-x- One-Way Argument -x-x-_

* * *

The Castle That Never was (and yet still inexplicably _was_) stood quiet for what had probably been the first time in its non-existence. 

The endless stretches of plain white corridor were deserted – not a single black cloak to be seen – and no screams, shouts or other ungodly noises that usually accompanied the group of 12 nobodies wherever they went could be heard.

It was most peculiar.

Or at least, one would have thought it was peculiar until they saw their guest.

Now he was most peculiar, and it was perhaps the air of oddness that hung around him that made the quiet atmosphere of the castle not quite as peculiar as it should have been.

He swished through the castle, a stooped figure who's back had bent double almost into a hoop. A most villainous creature, who's body was covered in a dark brown coat that trailed along behind him at every footstep.

A mere minute after he had passed the threshold of the castle everybody had scattered to their own rooms, gardens or underground laboratories, fretfully biting their nails and waiting for the unexpected visitor to leave.

(Strictly speaking he wasn't unexpected – Xemnas had given them a long speech about it yesterday, among other things – but as nobody bothered to listen to Xemnas' speeches anymore they had not one iota of a clue that the man was coming.)

"Ah. Welcome," Xemnas greeted, the only nobody who still remained in the corridor. It would have been plain rude to shut himself away in his highly furnished quarters when he'd been the one who'd _invited _him over in the first place.

"Yes. Xemnas. It's been too long," replied the man, his voice deep and rich.

Quite similar to Xemnas', really.

Exactly the same as Xemans'.

"Please, do follow me. We shall discuss our operation shortly."

The man frowned. Well, there was no way of telling his facial expression, but that much was obvious by his tone of voice when he said; "No, Xemnas. _Not _now. In case you didn't realise, I have a busy schedule – heartless to command and whatnot. Unlike you, I don't sit idly by in a castle eating bonbons whilst I send foolish young ingrates to complete my work for me."

Ingrates.

Oh, if Larxene had heard that Mr. Sack-Man would've had his ass kicked from here to The End Of The World... Probably have a kunai or fifty jammed up it as well, just for good measure.

"So let's get down to business. Destiny Islands," continued the Sack-Man, staring straight at Xemnas. There wasn't much else to stare at in a corridor whiter than Christmas in Antarctica.

"Yes," Xemnas agreed, trying not to get annoyed at this pushy piece of cloth. Slicing his head clean off was not going to help…

" Destiny Islands… What is it about that mundane world that interests you so? So small... The inhabitants all so simple…"

"The keyblade wielder is there."

The Sack-Man raised an eyebrow, this movement invisible to Xemnas. "Oh…? How can you be so sure?"

"I sent some of the higher-up members there on scouting missions a while ago. They say they could sense the strength of his heart from miles away. A strong light that pierced through the murkiest of darkness. A firm resolve that destiny could not break... And if our glorious organisation took the keyblade wielder and raised him as our own… Why, we could complete Kingdom Hearts in no time!"

"But why should I send a fleet of heartless to invade it if you are the only one who gains anything from the endeavour?" asked the Sack-Man quizzically, hands folded before him.

It was a stance Axel often took as he raised an impossibly skinny eyebrow and asked _why _he should take up a mission ("because if you don't I'll get Larxene to castrate you," Xemnas had always replied, which usually shut him up pretty quick).

"Because, my good Sir," Xemnas grinned, one more ace tucked under his sleeve. His trump card, if you will. "A Princess of Heart resides there. Yes – one of them needed to unlock the final door. To immerse yourself in the darkness."

_And if you ever do get there_, Xemnas thought to himself, _I hope you never come back out._

The Sack-Man lips curled upwards in a smile at this news.

* * *

**A/N:** /nervous laughter/ Don't kill me...? 

newan: wow, newan sounds like a name, doesn't it? well it's not. so get over it. it's new an. ya see? new author's note. yeah, cool, i know. 'cept i'm not actually the author of the prologue. i don't think i've even read it 'cause it is the new one. i read the old one, i SWEAR. well, this chapter's been rewritten - if the next one will be... well, that's a different story isn't it? 'cause i wrote half of it. oh dear. ocs make you cry, don't they? but i'm gonna be n00bish here, & say "there's a twist, see!", uhm, yeah, you'll see the twist when the time comes. hopefully.


	2. C1: our pet Henry

**ThrowingrocksatKingdomHearts**

**(And_generally_making_Xemnas_mad)**

**-o-o- Chapter1-o-o-**

_-x-x- A Pet called Henry -x-x-

* * *

_

**W**hen a child, perhaps of 13 is disappointed or annoyed, they usually make a noise that sounds a lot like this: 'Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww'.

That is why, on a fine Sunday morning, the day before the darling 13 year olds went back to their much loved schools, this is the sound that could be heard approximately 3.67 miles away.

"And I want you, Rey, to get dressed!" continued the obviously 'HA!-I-R-t3h-leader-here-do-not-defy-me-...-ever' voice emitting from the evil instructress, more commonly known as 'Mother'.

Rey grumbled as she trailed upstairs, if she had to have been wearing trousers she would've pulled them down a little so they trailed too, but alas, she was wearing shorts.

And a giant T-shirt she'd claimed as her own after running in a three kilometre marathon.

And why she wanted to wear this for sleeping attire was anyone's guess. Or nobody's guess if we wanted to be witty, as we were in the previous chapter.

She wandered into her room, her two friends following close behind. Rey sat on one of the mattresses set up for her guests. She banged a fist to the soft bedding and pouted.

"Why do we have to go on a stupid walk anyway? They're just being selfish! 'Cause, it's our last day before school's back and we have to spend it going on some dumb... dumb... dumb... WALK!!" She muttered, slamming her fist yet again to the cushiony bed.

Kay raised her head and nodded, making a 'mmph' sort of sound, as Chell lingered in the background, subtly making her way across to the radiator.

"Meh... life sucks. And school is even suckier. If school did not exist life would not suck," mumbled the one known as 'Rey', rummaging through her wardrobe for any clothes that weren't hopelessly sticky from large amounts of late-night sugar consumption.

* * *

**T**he three friends sat in Rey's lovely family-car crab-a-ma-bile, that obviously wasn't designed to be pretty. It was designed for carting lots of people around, and it didn't even do a very good job at that, either. The wheels seemed to have lives of their own, and liked to play games that involved them falling off in the middle of the road at the most inappropriate of moments. Not that there ever is really any appropriate moment for the car to break down...

Rey and Chell were plugged into an MP3 player, Kay sort of sitting there playing around with her mobile.

"Can I listen to a song?" asked Kay, snapping her 'fancy' little bucket of microchips shut with an impressive 'thwap' that drowned out the end of a of crappy 1970s rock song for a few blessed seconds. And then the 'thwap' stopped resounding around the crap-a-ma-bile and the guy starting shrieking incoherently over the radio again. "It's a cool MP3 player and I want a turn!"

"Kay, Kay, Kay," said Rey in an almighty 'knowing' tone of voice, as she turned the volume up to drown out the song her parents seemed to be enraptured in. Chell was simply sat there, twiddling her thumbs. "Kay, Kay, Kay, humans simply weren't born with three ears. There are only two ear-thingys."

"Then let me have a go."

"No."

Rey sat back smugly, but her air of smugness was instantly ruined as a loud 'ZVING**ba**clunk**ba**clunkzwarrrrp' sound filled the car, and the piece of crap came to a halt in the middle of a scenic countryside road – a.k.a in the middle of nowhere.

"Alright, kids," said one of Rey's parents, smiling brightly from the front of the car, trying to act like the wheel of their car did not just snap off. "Who wants to get out and push?"

No answer.

"Henry. Go and push the car."

* * *

**R**oughly an hour later, the car had managed to make it's slow and creaky way to the designated walking area.

Instead of having Henry being forced to get out and push, the nine-year old had managed to work his magic and had fixed the wheel back on the car with a paper clip, a 50p and an old McDonald's toy that Wilfred had been in the process of biting the head off. Otherwise, it would have been counted as child labor, which lead onto other things, which included... _gulp_... nasty paperwork...

Wilfred was Rey's brother, by the way, a sweet little four-year-old who's main goal in life was to take all his clothes off and dance around whenever a guest came over. And to pet as many dogs, cats and lampposts he possibly could in his short little life. And to bite the heads off McDonald's toys.

Henry, was also Rey's brother, but no one really paid much attention to him. To them he was dog. Or just pet.

"Alright," said Rey's mother, stood around in the random field they had parked themselves in. "We're going to see some peat** bogs** now, and they're a little walk away, up that hill over there, okay?"

Twenty Minutes Later

"_I thought you said a little walk..._" grumbled Rey, as she sat down on a trusty bench somebody had placed on top of the grassy, big hill she had just tramped up. Her wellies were caked with mud and random bits of debris one would expect to find in a muddy field.

"Alright, let's cont-"

"No. I climbed up the hill," hissed Rey. "And now I stop and listen to my music now." A dark look had befallen her face, and nobody dared argue with her, or else her hair would have turned into snakes. And so, with those words, she pulled on Chell and Kay's arms, jerking them down to sit next to her.

* * *

**T**he three girls and Rey's trusty pet, Henry, were walking around aimlessly across the vast expanse of the peat bog, looking around at some twisted and bent pieces of metal that stuck out from the mud. They kept taking it in turns to scare each other by pointing at the pieces of metal – remnants from an old airplane crash, apparently – claiming they had definite 'skull-like' shapes to them.

"I think that one looks like somebody's spinal column..." muttered Kay, pointing at a piece of rubbish that stuck out of the mud.

"No, Kay, that's a deckchair," said Chell in a bored sort of voice, who had started to throw sticks in any old direction, watching with amusement as Henry bounded off after them. She wondered if, if she happened to throw one right into the middle of the bog and away from the spit of grassy island they were stood on, Henry would bound after it regardless of the danger and sink. Not that she'd do that really – Henry never did anything bad. He just sort of sat there. Looking like a dog/pet/nine-year-old.

As they wandered further away from Rey's parents, who were busy preparing their picnic, the atmosphere started to get heavier and darker, as a silent fog rolled in, sneaking over the mud and grassy hills and enshrouding everything and everyone. It was now impossible to see Rey's parents, but that didn't really bother them – they were going forwards, Rey's parents were behind him, and that's all they needed to know to get back.

"This is a good setting for a horror story. Look, if you can quint you can sorta see some trees in that direction," said Chell, pointing. "I bets you could hide a whole army of mad-axe murderers in there..."

"If they sneak out after us we'll bake 'em a cake," said Rey with typical Rey-logic, the music from the MP3 player she was hogging pounding into her ears. "And then we'll have a tea-par-tay."

"A tea party isn't 'cool' enough to call a 'par-tay'," mused Kay, who had somehow taken over Chell's stick-throwing duty as they walked along through the bog.

"Every party's cool enough to be called a par-tay," contradicted Rey. "Especially if they serve those pretty cakes with PINK icing and shoo-gar on the side... I like sugar..."

Whilst they conversed idly, none of them noticed that Henry's ears were pricking up in distress (not that he had ears that could prick up in distress), and he had even stopped running after the sticks Kay was throwing for him. So, Kay was now just randomly throwing sticks into the air for no apparent reason. Boy, if she knew she was randomly throwing sticks at things like a retard for no reason she'd be embarrassed.

It is said that pets have a keen eye, nose, ear and tongue for the strange and paranormal. And right now, Henry 'paranormal-ometer' that detected all weird goings-on was shooting high, high, _high_up, way into the red-coloured warning zone.

It wasn't just the weird mist that made him panic like a chicken – hence his second name, 'Chicken' – but it was the strange whispering noises that echoed around the bog like a chant used in a voodoo ceremony and the sea of yellow eyes that seemed to blinking on and off like lights, that lit up the mud like neon lamps.

Henry tried pulling at his mistress's shirt, but she simply flicked him away, continuing her conversation about which parties merited the title of 'par-tay' and which didn't.

"I don't think you can call a funeral party a par-tay..." Kay argued with her, putting her arms behind her head to form a sort of pillow with her hands for her cranium to rest in, rather comfortably.

Henry looked around in alarm, as dark figures, shaped like twisted nightmares, rose up from the bog, with extended claws and long limbs. The halogen light-like lamps that lit up in their heads seared into Henry's hide, as if roasting him.

"There are fireflies here... They're prea-tty..." cried Rey, dancing around whilst the lights flickering around her like candles.

"Fireflies? In a bog?" asked Chell.

"In the middle of the day?" asked Kay.

Rey shrugged.

"I guess..."

Henry stood there, as the weird, unknown enemies sprang forth from the bog, the girls quickly dismissing the fiends as 'fireflies' and continuing on with their argument about why a funeral party was or was not a partay. And that was when the dumb dog did something heroic and brave, as heroic and brave music started to play and he stamped his paw (?) down and an unseen camera zoomed in on his eyes, which were narrowed with wrath and vengeance and THE POWAH. For, it was in this that moment that he, Henry Chicken, decided to stand his ground, to fight off ALL these monsters in the name of glory and make that pretty poodle that lived down the road love him... Not that the pretty poodle would be there to watch him single-hand(or paw)edly kung-fu all these demons off into the never regions, but it would help his self-esteem somewhat knowing he could take down an entire army of the damned.

Wait... back track...

He loved a poodle?

Isn't he still a little boy, despite his nickname?

It is advisable to listen to the song 'Kung Fu Fighting' during this scene

The pet of the Henry species launched himself at the nearest creature, scoring a direct hit to the head, sending it ricocheting back into the bog from whence it came. He flipped backwards like a furry, canine (HE'S STILLA LITTLE BOY!) Jackie Chan and started a fist-fight with another, sending it flying into a long line of creatures, as they all toppled ino the muck like car wrecks.

Another came at him, and he flicked it away with his imaginary tail... some how, and dived forth at a few more, slashing at them, before using his using his imaginary tail as a spring-board, bouncing up off the floor like a tigger, coming back down to earth with a dramatic spin and slash that KO'ed a few more pathetic little enemies.

He continued his merciless slaughter over the enemies, biting and kicking and lashing out, empty shells getting carried away back into the bog.

"HI-HAH-CHOW!" roared Henry, as he scored rapid blows to the head on numerous enemies, all of them disintegrating into dust and blowing away into the breeze.

"Henry, **shut up!**"

An abrupt end to the song 'Kung Fu Fighting'

"_Hi-ha-chow..._" whispered Henry, knocking a few more enemies out in methods I can no longer be bothered to describe, but all you need know is that it was fancy. Very fancy. With a lot of spinning, hopping, flying and generally a lot of other things dogs can't do unless they're superman reincarnate.

But even a superman reincarnate has his limits, as Henry slipped on the mud straight after delivering the finishing blow to the last monster, falling forwards through the air, doing a few fancy spins, flips, cartwheels and what have you before splashing into the bog.

A few bubbles rose into the air, and then all was silent.

* * *

"**H**ey, where's Henry?" asked Rey, looking around for any sign of her Henry.

"Maybe he went back..." suggested Chell with a simple shrug.

"Yeah, probably. The _chicken..._"

* * *

**A/N:** Heh. I feel sorry for Henry, though. So, what were those monsters? Find out in the next chapter of ... THROWING STONES AT KINGDOM HEARTS!

ALERT /neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw/: HENRY IS A REAL PERSON, NOT A DOG, HE IS LOOKED UPON AS A DOG. NOT A REAL DOG THOUGH.

Lol.


	3. C2: crossroads

**ThrowingrocksatKingdomHearts**

**(And_generally_making_Xemnas_mad)**

**-o-o- Chapter 2-o-o-**

_-x-x- Crossroads -x-x-

* * *

_

**A**nd so it came that these three girls, Chell, Rey and Kay came across a crossroads.

Crossroads are tricky things; once you get to one, you are at a complete loss of what to do. When in a car, you panic, wondering which way will lead you to your destination, when you are on a bike, crossroads actually _force_ you to get off your bike and decide whether it be straight ahead or to your right... or to your left, or possibly whether you've gone crazy and traveled the wrong _damned_ way. But if you're a dumbass, and ended up in a peat bog where the narrow paths have split into four different ways, then, to be blunt, you're screwed.

"So, Chell, which way to go?" asked Rey, looking at each road carefully, trying to decide which one seemed to be the best option.

"So, Rey, are we lost?" asked Kay. This question was completely out of the blue. Or it would have been, if you hadn't have looked around at their situation: about ten miles down was a phone, and the person holding that phone was Wilfred, and the person holding Wilfred's hand was Rey's mother, and she was saying to Rey's father, "I can't find a signal. Can you see them yet?"

"Yes. Yes we are." Replied Rey, in a way she hoped would cause the least amount of panicking, "So, again, Chell, which way?" Chell pondered for a moment, before replying with a simple point of her finger towards the path leading forwards.

"That way looks more... promising."

"Really? I thought it looked more ugly."

"Oh well, mon chappie chaps, on we go!!"

Kay grumbled as Rey pulled her along the darkening path. How it was 'darkening' was one of the mysteries of this great Earth. Similar to the mystery of 'What exactly is a mystery?' posed by Rey at the age of two.

The path gradually became more loopy and the stench that had been following them before began to disintegrate, and pretty soon grass coloured the brown path as weeds and plants started to form by the sides of them. Rey turned her music up louder, so as everyone would be able to hear the wonders of being a 'little butterfly'. The darkening sky soon turned to night and stars appeared above their heads.

"How long have we been walking, Kay?" asked Chell. Kay flipped out her phone and switched it on.

"I think my phone broke, it's not displaying the time... or it's energy... or anything for that matter..." she replied, staring at her phone, "Wait... MY PHONE IS BROKEN?!?!" Chell sighed and took the phone off Kay, she then proceeded to throwing it in the mud that layered the field beside them.

"C'mon! I can see a house up there! Maybe they know the time! And we could use their phone to call mom and dad!" cried Rey, scampering off to the lively beat of 'Dancing Alll Alone'.

Chell ran after Rey, with Kay panicking for a bit before following.

Wasn't this how all horror movies started?

With the 'house we can go to for shelter'? Which inexplicably _always_ contained a crazy psychopath? And everybody knew that bad weather/being lost/needing a phone a combination of all three always led on to a crazy psychopath, and that always led on to a mad, moonlit chase around the castle, where only one would come out alive. Kay scowled, wondering why nobody else knew these simple facts, or at least were taking them into consideration...

Well, okay, so Rey hadn't said that, but who knew? Who really knew?

"Grah! Wait up, you guys!" she cried, sprinting towards them.

* * *

"**W**oah... That's a mighty big castle you got there," said Rey, in some sort of hick accent, for God only knows why. Maybe God thought it would be amusing for the poor blonde to make an idiot out of herself before the inevitable encounter with the crazy psycho who was obviously waiting before the doors, holding a pink scythe. He would later turn her into chopped up dog food. 

Kay nudged Chell in her ribs, and looked around at the 'mighty big castle', somewhat in awe of the size of the building. It must've taken _years_ to build that imposing monster that towered up into the sky, the moonlit shimmering over it, making it look somehow more daunting.

"Wait a sec... It was the middle of the day before. Why is the moon out? We can't have been walking _that_ long," said Kay, the voice of reason, attempt to inject some normality into the situation. She glared up at the moon, starting an argument with it. "Turn into the sun... Change back... _Change back!_ **Be normal!**" she yelled, shaking her fist up at the silvery disc floating over the castle, casting shadows on everything.

Chell, rolling her eyes at Kay who was trying very hard to cling onto normality, walked up to the 'mighty big castle' and, regardless of all of Kay's spooky stories she had been feeding them about murderess, knocked on the door.

Silence split through the air, a few blessed seconds of silence. But simply a few seconds, as the sound of the door opening cleaved through the silence, cutting it straight down the middle in a fine line. The silence splintered away to make room for noise, as the doors were flung open and a pink-haired, black-robed man (girl?) answered, holding a pink scythe aloft.

Kay instantly started to run around in the background behind Chell and Rey, suddenly going all chibi-fied as she screamed about 'the untimely end of ME!'

"Hello, we're looking for a phone so we can call my parents," said Rey with a smile, whilst Chell tried to make small talk (Chell: _Lovely curtains._ Weird dude: _We don't have any curtains._ Chell: I said, **LOVELY CURTAINS!** Weird dude: -is blown back about fifty ft-.)

"I told you, I told you, it's a mad-axe maniac!" mumbled Kay from her corner for doom©. "We're all gonna get sliced up into PIECES!"

The weird dude chose to ignore Kay.

"We don't have any '_phones_' here, little girl."

"But you do have some very lovely curtains," said Chell, with a brightly-painted smile on her face.

The weird dude chose to ignore Chell, who was stood there claiming that castle had 'lovely curtains' over and over again.

"Well, where are we?" asked Rey, being the only (-gasp- NO! NOT REY!) _sensible_ one.

"This is Castle Oblivion." (Chell: And it has some very lovely curtains! Weird dude: _THE CASTLE DOES NOT HAVE ANY CURTAINS!_ Chell: -cowers back into pit of doom© with Kay-

"Okay... That's a nice name. So who are you?" asked Rey, doing a way, way, way better job of small-talking than Chell, who had failed at it somewhat. Chell was only making the guy's eyebrow twitch, and the idea of smalltalk was to distract your enemy so he _wouldn't_ want to stick a scythe.

"I'm Marluxia, Lord of the Castle! Well, I have only been Lord of the Castle for about a day, but that's not the point..." (Chell: It's a very nice hat you're wearing... Marluxia: **SHUT UP!** Kay: We're all doomed...) "The point is, I don't want little door-to-door salespeople running around trying to sell me hats, curtains or phones!"

"We're _not_ salespeople! We're _lost_!" cried Rey, glaring up at the man who towered above her, with his pink scythe aloft.

"That's what they _all_ say. Get out of here, kids, you bother me!" proclaimed Marluxia, and he slashed his scythe down, forming a dark portal. It bubbled with the power of darkness, purple tendrils waving about like sea-weed as it reached up into the night sky. "Get in there, it'll deliver you back home safely. I can't have little children running about, it's distracting..."

"What? There's _no way_ I'm going in there!" screamed Kay, rising up from her corner of doom© to glare at Marluxia. She jabbed a pointy finger in his direction, one hand on her hip. "How **dare** you boss us around, mister, just because you have a pointy weapon and you could impale us any moment! Now, I want a WRITTEN APOLOGY right now! And then maybe you could make us a cup of tea in your castle and give us a biscuit and apologize and then give us a phone a-"

Kay was cut short, as Marluxia prodded her with his scythe.

The dark-haired girl lost her footing, her feet encased with the muddy walk-boots slipping around on the ground, trying to find something firm to grip the soles of her wellies on. Alas, she could not find her footing in time, as she fell over backwards into the waiting sea of darkness, the hole belching out purple tendrils that wound around her arms and legs. There was a flash, a sort of '_thowck_' sound and it swallowed the girl whole.

"Kay!" cried Chell, turning to look at Marluxia, glaring. "That's IT! I'm not complimenting your hat or your curtains anymore!" she screamed, before diving into the hole after Kay, taken over by some sort of act of 'hero-ism'. The feeling of being heroic was short lived, however, as she started screaming as soon as the dark portal engulfed her, dragging her backwards to an untimely fate.

"Well, it's been lovely meeting you, I hope we can see each other again, maybe have some coffee... or sandwiches, or a biscuit or two. So, must be going, see you, cheerio!"

And with that, Rey disappeared, lost to the 'great unknown'.

Marluxia simply shrugged, going back to 'tending his castle'.

"Weirdos... Although the notion of me getting a hat was a pretty damn sensible one..."

"It'll cover your bald patch!"

"**SHUT UP AXEL!**"

* * *

"**H**mn... I wonder where the children have gone..." mused Rey's mother, sat on the bank of the bog, eating an egg and cress sandwich with 'great thought'. "And whatever happened to our dog?" 

"We never had a dog..." said Rey's father with a shrug, stopping Wilfred from stripping infront of a dog-walker, who was running away from the little boy, him and his dog looking quite worried.

"Oh... I must have imagined it..."

* * *

"**S**ora! Oh Soooora! Where _are_ you?!" 

"Ow..."

"I can _hearrrr_ you!"

"Ow..."

"I'm going to find yooouuuuuu!"

"Ow..."

"There you ar... are...?"

There was a long pause and then:

"Ow..."

"Um... this is awkward..."

"Ow..."

Kairi, the red-headed girl who had been wandering about the sands in suitable beach-gear (a.k.a a short lilac skirt, a darker pair of shorts underneath that served no purpose, and two tank tops, which probably would've amplified the heat from the sun that seared down like a multitude of laser beams from the bright blue sky) had finally found her friend, Sora. Sora could always be found on some random part of the beach, snoring. Occasionally she had found Selphie and Tidus building sandcastles on top of him, or burying him in the sand. And sometimes he had a load of coconuts in his lap, and one he had been snoozing so long that the tide had come in and he had been covered in debris from the sea, things like dead starfish and rocks. But this was the first time she'd found him _awake_ on the sand, with a lap full of odd girls, who appeared to be crushing him at all angles.

Sora appeared to be in pain, as the odd girls sat there, blinking and looking around, as if drinking in their new surroundings through cheap plastic straws. Kairi and Sora, on the other hand, were drinking the girls' appearances in through cheap plastic straws, and making mental notations and comments on what they saw.

"Hi! I'm Kay!" said the first girl, the girl with curly dark hair - now known as 'Kay', "And this is Chell!" Kay stabbed a finger at 'Chell', who had short brown hair cut just above her shoulders. Kairi grinned, noticing they were wearing the _weirdest _of clothes. Jackets, pants and large green shoes? Where were needless accessories, the impossible hair, the tri-coloured eyes and crazy outfits everybody else had? Why were they so _normal_? Or, as the case was, _abnormal_?

"I'm Kairi, and this lazy bum here is Sora!" said the red-head brightly, helping the two girls up, but she needn't have bothered, really.

A few split-seconds later a crack of light could be seen from a gathering of clouds up above, as a third figure cartwheeled itself down rather ungracefully from the blue expanse of sky. She flipped around in the air like a tossed pancake, her arms and legs pin-wheeling so it looked like she had multiple limbs. Sora had only just recovered from the last two girls that had fallen on him, and was just about to raise an arm to shield his eyes from the sun so he could take a better look at freak, when said freak pitched down from the sky in a tangle of limbs and crushed him. Again.

There was another muffled 'Ow...' as Sora fell yet again to the floor.

"Ooops... sorry..."

"And this. This is Rey. We like to seclude her to more _isolated_ areas. She tends to frighten little children," explained Kay, as 'Rey' got up shakily from Sora, whom she had been using shamelessly as a landing mat.

Rey. Rey was another oddity. Even if you overlooked the fact she'd made a grand entrance to the island by falling from the sky, she was still odd. She was short, with blue eyes and blonde hair, and was wearing those _abnormal_ clothes, like her friends. A jacket, a pair of pants and again with those odd shoes. Where the unnecessary pieces of jewelery, the arm warmers, the size fifteen shoes? Where?

Kairi blinked, "Sora, get up you lazy bum. I knew you'd be snoozing!"

"But... I wasn't sleeping... I was being fallen on..." Sora replied, his eyes dancing as though he were a crazy person. Kairi put her hands on her hips and looked him in the eye.

"Now, don't answer back, Sora, you know it's not very nice!" she told him as he edged away meekly into the corner, in the shade of a palm tree. He was probably hoping that if he hid in the shadows and looked pout-y no other weird girls would dare fall from the sky and land on him. "Hello, Rey, I'm Kairi, and that was Sora. I don't think he likes you very much."

"Oh... Okay! Hi Kairi! I'm _REYYYYYYY_!" cried Rey, giving Kairi a huge hug.

Kairi winced as it dawned on her, "Oh dear God... not another one..." she muttered under her breath. Rey was like _Selphie_ and the island didn't need another Selphie who danced around and distributed random hugs. Rey grinned and turned towards Sora.

"Hello, _SORRRRRRRRRRRRRA_! I'M VERY SORRY! CAN WE BE **FRIENDS**?" cried the girl. Sora turned round, and Rey was taken back by the evil glint in his eye.

"No."

Rey whined like a kicked puppy and hid behind Kay. Kairi glared at Sora.

"Sorry about that, Sora hasn't had any sugar today..." she told the other three. "He's usually a lot less grumpy..."

"AND I WOULDV'E GOTTEN AWAY WITH IT IF IT WEREN'T FOR YOU MEDDLING KIDS!" cried Sora, rocking back and forth, clutching his knees to his chest. His eyes were bloodshot and his hair was sticking up in all directions. Imagine if it was like that all the time... Rey guessed he was just a:

"BED HEAD!"

This earned Rey a 'Golden Glare ©', which caused her to run up a tree screaming about 'evil eyes' and 'death glares'.

"..."

"I've got sugar, if Sora wants any..." muttered Kay, "I always have a pack or two for Rey..." Kairi shook her head as Sora slinked up to Kay, his hands in front of him, waiting for the sugar and candy to fall into his grips, "Or maybe... not?" Kay put the gum back in her bag as Kairi motioned her to.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

"Ignore him," Kairi said, sticking her thumb behind her shoulder, pointing at Sora who was flailing about in the sand, clawing at it and muttering about 'sugar'.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

"Ignore her," repeated Kay, sticking her thumb behind her shoulder, pointing at Rey who was clinging to the palm tree the shorter girl was now sitting on.

Rey clutched the tree, singing something about 'walking on the rooftops', and 'La la la la la'. As the song continued, so the verses got worse. As she sat on the top of the tree, she started swinging her legs and dancing slightly to her lovely 'music'. Coconuts began to shower off the tree beneath her, most of them landing on Sora's head, as luck would have it.

Chell muttered something about 'I want to do that...'.

Two Hours Later

"Do you think we should get Rey down from there?"

"No, leave her be..."

* * *

**A/N:** _There is a song I sing about walking on the rooftops. It goes like this:_

_Walking on the rooftops_

_La la la la la_

_Lots of falling snow_

_La la la la la_

_Watching cities burn_

_La la la la la_

_LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!_

_La la la la la_

_Walking on the rooftops_

_La la la la la_

_/wipes tear from eye/ Beautiful, isn't it?_


	4. C3: going shopping

**_Throwingrocks_sat_Kingdom_Hearts**

**(And_generally_making_Xemnas_mad)**

**-o-o- Chapter 3-o-o-**

_-x-x- Going Shopping -x-x-

* * *

_

**S**ora was sulking, as he sat on the bough of the papou tree, using it as some sort of seat. His back was turned from Riku, Kairi and the three weird girls who had somehow ended up being invited to come and sit with them on the tree, despite his protests. His protests had eventually become quite _violent_, as he had taken to throwing coconuts at his two friends.

In the end, he had and Riku had had a wooden sword fight. The winner got to decide whether they should throw the three girls back in the sea or train them like pets, and Riku had won. And he had been all for the second option, because he couldn't just abandon them, _Sora._

The brunet scowled, as the three girls sat shamelessly on _his_ part of the tree, making him squish back up so there wasn't enough room for him to rest his legs on the bark. Who did they think they were, invading _his_ island, and then stealing his friends, his tree and his dignity away?

"You aren't going to be able to stay here if you don't accept our customs and traditions," said Riku in his infuriating 'i-r-older-cooler-and-smarter-than-Sora' voice, his arms crossed and back against the tree. "And our proudest tradition is that we all wear as many pointless accessories with our outfits as possible, and that we all have large shoes. So, I say the first thing we do is get you some new outfits! And then we can decide what to do with you after that, okay?"

Sora growled, and did a very bad impression of Riku's voice, using his hands as a substitute for Riku. "_I'm a stoopid jerk who doesn't care about my friends and I keep trying to flirt with the stooopid new girls even though they're not that pretty and they all wear these weird shoes,_" he muttered, flapping his hands about.

Kairi, Riku, Kay, Rey and Chell turned to look at Sora who was busy using his hands as little puppets, making them talk back and forth to each other about how gay Riku was.

"Is he always like this?" asked Chell.

"Pretty much. Usually he goes into a little sulk after each time I beat him in a sword fight. The best thing to do is just ignore him," said Riku with a shrug.

"_I'm Riku and I say just ignore Sora, he's a stupid baby who plays with his hands like they're real like a silly baby,_" muttered Sora, still sulking in his little corner of the tree. "Heh... Yeah, that Sora boy sounds like a stupid baby, who plays puppets with their hands at his age? I mean, ha- hey... RIKU! YOU TRICKED ME INTO INSULTING ME!" screamed Sora, pouting as he crossed his arms.

* * *

**T**he clothes shop was the weirdest place the girls could have ever imagined going to. 

As soon as they stepped through they were bombarded with people coming up to them and asking what was with the abnormality of their clothes. WHAT WAS WITH IT?

Riku simply cast them aside and went straight towards the girls' section. It was Rey who eventually pointed out the obvious.

"Riku... How come you knew where the girl section was so quickly?" she asked. All Riku could muster was "..." Rey nodded her head, "I see..." she told him, patting his back, "Don't worry, we're all here to help you."

Riku growled, but carried on dragging them to see all the clothes on sale.

"Could I 'elp yoo, _sirrrrr_ et _madammmms_??" came a French like voice from behind them. The foursome turned round to see a middle aged gentleman who looked rather like a very tall fish.

"Why, yes, yes you could!" Riku smirked, "Please ask these girls what they want. I'm sure they know better than me." Riku nodded his head along with his statement.

"Ah-well...?" asked newly dubbed 'Fish-face'.

Kay pondered for a moment before replying with a, "Do you have jeans?" she asked, watching him carefully. The man looked shocked.

"Jeans! Jeans?!?! What are these _jeans_yoo talk abo't?" he man asked, "We haff pants which shew eff yerr boxerrs, and we haff pants clipped eh-ver pants, we haff shorts underrr sk-eh-rts. We haff j-eh-mps-eh-ts. But I h'am afr-eh-d, madam, we deh n-eh-t haff anee... jeans."

Chell blinked.

"Okay, how about some trainer... s...?"

She had to pause herself from the look of disgust on Fish-face's face.

"Tra'ners? What eez zis, Riku? We d-eh n-eh-t haff anee 'tra'ners', we haff b-eh-tterr yell-eh sh-eh-s et we haff great _BIG_ sh-eh-s. But, we d-eh n-eh-t haff anee 'tra'ners'."

"Oh..." mumbled Rey, "What about... a top?"

"Why, yes, come right zis way, madam..." grinned Fish-face. He even grinned like a fish...

Fish-face has lead the three girls to the isle with all the tops

"I meant _normal_ tops..." muttered Rey as Fish-face eagerly showed them the 'most fashionable items'.

"Here, I'm guessing, this _is_ normal." Chell challenged, watching as Fishface continually fell off his ladder before calling a box boy to do it for him.

"Darn right it is." Riku inserted to their conversation.

"In that case... I'LL TAKE THAT ONE, GOOD SIR!" cried Rey pointing to a top labelled ':)', the box boy climbed to the top of the isle and collected it, "_Actually_... I'll take that one!" Rey was pointing to a bright pink strapless top which covered most of a dark blue and white tank top. Fish-face smiled (like a fish) and pointed at it, motioning for the box boy to get it for him. The box boy sighed and did as was asked of him.

"Or maybe that one..." said Rey again, changing her mind at the speed of light, pointing back to the top with the ':)' smiley on it. Again the box boy sighed, and climbed up the ladder for it, and again Rey changed her mind.

Her arms were flying everywhere as she pointed all over the store at random tops, until eventually the box boy fell forwards, collapsing on the floor. Rey nudged him with her boot.

"Er... sorry, mister... I'll take that one..." she said, pointing towards the ':)' again.

She watched, as he peeled his pancake-like form off the floor with a 'phut' and made his sorry way over to her top, before the blonde shook her head and changed her mind again. Fish-face's face was now very red, as Rey started up a song that went a lot like: 'that one, no that one, hehe, la la la la la, that one, no that one, I've changed my mind...' It seemed that she didn't even WANT a top, she just wanted to sing and point at random articles of clothing and watch as the box boy ran in the general direction of the way her finger was pointing. "THAT ONE! No, that one! No, t-"

"JUST CHOOSE A TOP ALREADY!" screamed Fish-face, somehow loosing his French accent as he yelled at her.

"Sorry sir..." she mumbled, pointing towards the blue and white top.

"Et yoo?" he looked menacingly at Kay and Chell, as they cowered beneath him.

"Well..." squeaked Chell, "I'll take that one..." she muttered, pointing at a more dress like top than... a top like top. It was lime green mini dress with a dark green hood on the back. The box boy went to collect it just in time for Kay's item choice.

"I'll have that one then..." Kay said, pointing to the top of her choice, "No... I'll get it..." she muttered as the box boy sighed and climbed back on the ladder. She shakily made her way up the ladder and found her top. It was a purple tank top with thick straps, and a long black sleeve attached to the left strap.

"Ooooh... puh-retty..." mumbled Rey, her eyes shining.

"Et n-eh eh-nt-eh t-eh skirrrts et la pants."

The girls have arrived at the 'skirrrts et la pants' section

"C-Could i have these, please?" asked Kay. She was motioning to some black denim ¾ pants with a plaid, yellow mini skirt over it.

"But of courrrse..." Fishface replied.

Rey was dancing around the place, her eyes shining and happy as she examined all the wondrous clothes she was swamped in.

"I've finally found my _true_ home..." she mumbled, her eyes still starry and all chibi-like. Chell ignored this behavior and carried on wondering what to get.

"Well... Can I have those pink jea- pants, _pleeeease_?" she asked, pointing at the pink pants across the racks from her.

"But of courrrse..." Fishface replied.

Rey was _still_ dancing around the place, until her eyes were set upon what she believed was 'meant for' her.

"MINE!" she cried, grabbing out for them.

"But of courrse..." Fishface replied, before looking at her choice of purchase. It was a pair of brown mini shorts. And that was it, "Er... you want zis?" he asked, Rey simply nodded insistently, clutching her soon-to-be shorts. "Okay zen..."

Now for shoes

"What sh-eh-s do yoo want?" asked Fishface, now thoroughly tired out after all the running about after Rey as she carted from one place to the next searching for, when asked, 'Oh, nothing in particular'.

"I want THOSE!" screeched Rey, having almost reached her maximum in hyper-ness. She was staring at a pair of above brown knee high boots with crosses sewn every few centimetres up them.

Chell and Kay sighed, and picked their choice, they were: some blood red pumps, and for Chell, some black shoes, which looked an awful like trainers, but she wasn't going to point out that minor detail.

As they made their way to the cashier, Riku stopped them suddenly.

"But, what about the accessories that you don't actually need?" he asked, leading them towards some great big hall, covered with accessories of all sorts.

Rey chose hers immediately: An chequered armband, a necklace and some bangles. She didn't need any more – she already had some needless accessories on her, she had a necklace that Kay had given her ages ago, but she always wore it, and one of those cheap bracelets every kid makes when their young, with the plastic beads on it. Even though both these things seemed small and insignificant, at the moment, they were the most precious things she owned.

Apart from sugar of course.

Kay picked hers carefully, she chose the same chequered arm band and a small purple bow clip for her hair.

Chell chose a chequered armband too, along with a red ribbon to place round her waist on the dress, and a black cloths marker to write 'LOL' on her dress with.

Riku, now pleased with his students, lead the girls back to the cashier. He shoved his hand into his pocket but, alas, nothing was in there. Then he tried his other pocket. Nothing. As the queue dispersed, Riku panicked and realised that soon it would be their turn to pay.

"Zat'll be 34 munny, Riku, please."

Riku blinked.

"I seem to have left my munny at home..."

"Zat's alreet, I'll let yoo eh-ff, just zis once zo!"

Riku blinked.

"Thank you... I guess..."

And with that, Riku, Chell, Rey and Kay quickly departed from the store.

* * *

**K**ay stood in her new clothes, examining them critically. 

"I can't help but feel like a sub-character in a silly fanfiction with a bad plot."

Rey giggled. "You're just paranoid!"

* * *

**A/N:** Hehe. Avast, to the next chapter! 

**A little note from Lamatikah: **Did you like the french guy? Did you understand anything he said?

I did.

Because I wrote it.

He was mainly talking about waffles.

/nods head knowledgably/

BTW: French people don't _really_ talk like that - I know; I lived in a French speaking country for **TWO** years! TWO YEARS PEOPLE!! And oddly enough, that is the _actual_ reason, that I have an _American_ best friend... O.o

Just don't ask.


	5. C4: sjekbsgkrg

**_Throwingrocks_sat_Kingdom_Hearts**

**(And_generally_making_Xemnas_mad)**

**-o-o- Chapter 4-o-o-**

_-x-x- Spies -x-x-

* * *

_

A small group of nobodies had been dispatched to Destiny Islands a few minutes ago, under Xemnas's orders, obviously. And the small group of three – containing Axel and Larxene the insane sadists and Demyx the simply insane – had made their way around the island, sneaking under the cover of trees and bushes, being very inconspicuous.

Eventually they had found a perfect place to spy on the inhabitants – a small little wooden house, stuffed up one of the tall coconut bearing trees. It had obviously been out of use for a long time, as the interior was all dusty and covered with little pieces of lint, and the banners that hung from the ceiling proclaiming it was '_Selphie-san's hide-away_' were faded, several of them coming down. There was a small table in the middle that was missing one leg, and it had a few cracked bowls of delicious mud pies that smelt a bit funny and empty pots of imaginary tea placed upon it, as if waiting for a little five-year-old girl to climb up the ladder and start her tea-party. A few dolls were scattered around, and Larxene picked one up and traced a fine line across its neck with one of her kunami. The head was ripped roughly off, and she threw the decapitated 'Molly doll' down in disgust.

"I don't think anybody'll bother us up here," said Larxene, leaning back against one of the wooden walls, resting her feet on the plastic head of the 'Molly doll' who was whispering her dying wishes: '_won't you play with meeeee won't y-o-oo-u playyyy wit' meeeee-_bwwwzzzp'.

"We can spy on the kids here just fine," agreed Axel, turning a few of the 'cheery' pink banners into ashes with a casual click of his fingers. "Larxene, get out the binoculars!"

Yes, it was true – the great nobodies of the organization may have been able to decapitate dollies with one slice of a kunami and reduce a pink banner to ashes in a click of the fingers. But they still relied on _binoculars_ to spy on people – they didn't have ultra-vision.

"Can I come in?" asked Demyx in a rather sad little 'i'm-forlorn-and-being-neglected' tone of voice, stood on the ground, looking up at his two 'friends' who were making themselves comfortable in 'Selphie-san's' tree house.

"No," replied Larxene simply.

"But _whyyyyy?_"

"Because there's not enough room," said Axel, spreading out his legs pointedly, until his black boots smashed against the opposite wall of the tree house.

"But what if I get spotted?"

"Then you'll get turned into a dusk," replied Larxene in a rather happy sort of voice.

There was a long pause, as a look of pure terror took over Demyx's face.

"ARGH! LEMME IN! LEMME IN! LEMME IN!"

* * *

"You know what," said Riku smugly, as he tromped across the sands in the general direction of Sora and Kairi, who were both sat on the pier having another one of their deeply heartfelt conversations, where they looked into each other's eyes and left Riku out, making him feel crap. He didn't _like_ it when Sora and Kairi had those 'intellectual' conversations because then he felt too stupid to join in. He wondered what they were talking about...

"Sora, you need to buy some new shoes," said Kairi happily, swinging her legs back and forth like pendulums, paying no heed to the fact that Riku stood in the background waving his arms about, screaming about plans and plots and PAYATTENTIONTOME-shakes fist-.

"I know… But I feel it is something I cannot do..." said Sora in a heroic voice, as he looked into Kairi's eyes. Meanwhile, Riku made a mock-vomit noise and started to throw rocks at his two 'friends' to get them to PAYATTENTIONTOMEDAMNIT-throws rocks-

"Why not, Sora?" asked Kairi, eyes wide with concern, placing her hand on his shoulder. Riku started to dance around, waving a stick, screaming about PAYATTENTIONTOMEBECAUSEIHAVEASTICK-throws sticks-

"BECAUSE THE GUY IN THE STORE SCARES ME SO!" cried the little boy, bursting into tears and putting his head on Kairi's shoulder. Kairi patted his spikes like he was a dog, as Riku put on a grass hula skirt and started to 'boogie' in background, screaming about PAYATTENTIONTOMENOWGUYSI'MWEARINGASKIRT-throws grass and dances-

Kairi turned her head, and received a mouthful of grass and a picture that would haunt her for years to come.

"Riku... Why are you wearing a skirt?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"BECAUSE YOU WOULDN'T PAY ATTENTION TO ME!"

"So you decided to scar us for life instead?"

"Basically... Yes... But you have to hear my idea now!"

"Only if you take off the skirt."

Riku spun around a few times in Sailor Moon fashion, as his skirt was ripped off and scattered to the winds, his 'normal' clothes returning to him as if by magic. Kairi rolled her eyes at his little party trick. Sure, it had been cool when he did it at Selphie's birthday party, but now it was getting _old_.

"Well, I propose that we start BUILDING A RAFT for absolutely NO REASON!" cried the silver-haired boy happily, flicking his cheek at Kairi and Sora, wrapped up in a vast feeling of accomplishment. Right before he clutched his cheek in pain, face contorted into a sort of :0 shape, thinking that flicking his cheek at people wasn't the best sort of victory stance available. He could spin around a few times in mid-air and then give a very knowing look like Tidus sometimes did. Only he could only do that underwater. And he'd die from lack of oxygen before he completed the second turn. Damn blitzball players...

"You want to build a raft for no reason?" asked Sora, raising his head up from the comfy space known as Kairi's shoulder. "But you're like all ... dark and emo ... and stuff... Wouldn't it be much better if you said you wanted to build a raft to, I dunno, see other worlds? See if there's something more out there than this prison, surrounded by water? Perhaps even give us a lecture asking us about why, out of all worlds, we were put on this one?"

"... No..."

Meanwhile, Kay and Chell stood in the background, fists clenched.

"Hey! They just forgot about us! Doesn't that make you mad, Rey? Rey?" asked Chell, looking around for Rey, then deciding it would be best to look _up_.

Like she had suspected, Rey was halfway up her favourite coconut tree, swinging about on it and singing about 'dancing on the rooftops, la la la la la'.

* * *

"Will you let me in **now** guys?" asked Demyx, who had been sat at the bottom of the tree for about two hours.

"No," said Larxene, watching a weird blonde girl swing about on a tree through her binoculars.

"She's on to us..." muttered Axel, glaring at the girl.

A faint 'la la la la la' could be heard.

* * *

"So... where are you guys going to live?" asked Riku, as Kay and Chell grumbled to themselves about 'forgetting' and stuff like that. Rey, however, was up a tree, happily throwing coconuts at them all.

"HOW ABOUT UP IN THAT HOUSE?!!" cried Rey from her tree, still throwing coconuts at them, this time aiming for Riku who was somehow merrily oblivious.

"Sure! That's a great place to stay! We'll see you _every_ day!"

A chorus of 'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH' shrieked from Kay and Chell who whimpered in the corner.

"Every ... day..." Kay mumbled, limply.

"YAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!" cried Rey from her perch, "I WANNA GO SEE THE **_HOUSE_**!!"

The blonde jumped off of the palm leaves and slid down the trunk. She raced into the house she had mentioned earlier and to her surprise she a boy and a girl. They were both wearing the same black cloaks the 'Marluxia' fellow had been wearing.

"Hey, do you know someone called Marluxia?" she asked, earning their attention.

They looked at her with mild amusement, "I told you she was onto us..." mumbled the boy, before making the same black hole things and walking through it as the girl did the same. Rey found herself climbing over a few tables, ready to crawl through the holes with them. But, fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on which way you look at it) she just missed them, and the holes closed into white smoke, "Hmn. How rude..." she muttered, before beginning to clean the room up.

* * *

Demyx sat cowering in the bushes, looking around nervously.

"Is it safe to come out yet, guys? Guys? ... Guys...?" asked Demyx, looking around. "I'm cold... And hungry... And my feet hurt. GUYS?!"

* * *

Music ran through her ears as she fell asleep.

Her soft breathing was what Kay and Chell came 'home' to. They had had a wild par-tay with some of the other children on the island. It appeared that they were the youngest out of Riku's 'clan'. Yes, Riku referred to his group of friends as his Scottish family.

"Ahh... Home sweet, h- wait... this is the first time I've actually _been_ in here – how is it my 'home sweet, home'?" Chell wondered. Kay merely shrugged and rested her head on some hay in the corner. Trust Rey to make a bed for herself.

That girl scared them sometimes.

* * *

**A/N:** And then there was… 


	6. C5: ode to having a heart

**_Throwingrocks_sat_Kingdom_Hearts**

**(And_generally_making_Xemnas_mad)**

**-o-o- Chapter 5-o-o-**

_-x-x- Ode To Having A Heart –x-x-

* * *

_

"XEMNAS!" Axel cried, bursting into the superior's room without even bothering to knock.

"What is it, Number Eight?" asked Xemnas in the sort of voice that indicated he was very displeased at Axel for not knocking, and if Axel didn't rectify his ways then he would happily teach him some manners by slicing him in two.

"Some new kids moved to the islands! And they know Marluxia!"

"Very nice, Axel. Now go away," replied the Superior, waving his hand at Axel in a shooing motion. "I'm not in the mood for you silly, made-up stories. _Nobody_, especially not three normal girls, can break through the boundaries of space and cross into different worlds. It's unheard of. It's an unspeakably ludicrous notion. Only we can cross the plains of space and time to warp into other dimensions. So they were probably just local girls you haven't seen before. And if they know Marluxia, it probably means the stupid boy's been running off to the beach to 'tan' instead of watching over Castle Oblivion."

"But _Xemnas-_" Axel started.

He knew the weird girls weren't locals – they didn't talk like them, or act like them, and were treated like outsiders. And he'd been spying on that damn island (Xemnas was FIXATED by it) for about two weeks before Xemnas made that deal with Ansem.

And he'd seen all the other kids about a dozen times on his travels. So why wouldn't he have seen those three? They were very small islands, after all…

"Not another word, Number Eight. I'm making plans and arranging times and researching details about the heartless strike me and Ansem have planned to hit the island, in approximately … four days, and counting."

"Alright then, Superior…" muttered Axel, kicking at the floor. He didn't really care about the girls – it would be all Xemnas's fault if they addled with his plans, for not listening to Axel to begin with.

"By the way, Number Eight, where's Number Nine? He hasn't returned from his mission…"

"What, Demyx? Oh, we … er … left him there … Maybe we should go get him back…?" suggested Axel, ruffling his hair.

"No… The hallways of this castle are much quieter without him here, strumming on his sitar, BOOM BOOM BOOM, like the teenage hooligan that he is…"

"So what do I do about Demyx?"

"Just leave him there. Eventually he'll use his common sense and teleport back."

* * *

"Guys?" Demyx asked nervously, cowering in the bushes. 

He could hear the low growls of wild animals and whatnot, despite the fact the islands didn't even _have_ any dangerous animals living on them. Apart from Wakka.

Demyx rocked himself backwards and forwards, shivering, starting to whimper.

* * *

"Wakey-wakey, rise and shine!" 

Rey's eyes snapped open after a few verses of the infamous 'good morning' song, moaning and muttering about 'teddies' and 'jelly babies'. That was, until the image before her slowly came into sharper focus and she could she tell she wasn't just staring aimlessly into a big silver blob, but was staring up at a … rather Riku-shaped creature.

And then realization dawned on her, slowly but surely like the sun rising up from the horizon in the morning: she was on the floor in her pajamas, and a weird boy she'd only known for a day was hovering over her, _serenading _her.

"RAPE! RAAPPEE!" is what Rey said.

Or at least, if Rey had been a normal person, she would have said something roughly along those lines and then hit the 'silver haired hooligan' with her handbag. Not that she had a handbag with her at the time, but she'd have managed to summon one from a great void of darkness and bob him on the head with it a few times, all the same.

But no. Rey, being Rey, instead decided to scream: "YE NEED TO BRUSH YER HAIR, RIKU!"

And then she got up, causing the boy to go flying back several feet, and proceeded to crawl up to his slumped figure and prod him.

"Where are m'friends, Chell und Kay? What have ye done with em, eh, laddie?" she inquired, prodding Riku over and over again, until the poor boy's pale flesh bruised and purple marks appeared over it in random patterns. He looked a lot like an overripe banana that'd been kicked around a bit and then dumped in a bin.

"They're at the – ow – beach already, collecting – ow – supplies for the – ow - raft. And they told me to go and wake you – ow – up and… Rey, stop prodding me," hissed Riku, pulling Rey's intrusive fingers connected to one inquisitive hand away from him.

He made a quick mental note in his mind – being with Rey booboos galore.

"So, go and get changed and, er, me and 'the gang' will meet on you the beach…"

"But Riku-senpai, I _am_ changed."

Riku stared up at the hyper blonde girl, who's pyjamas had magically melted off to reveal the outfit she'd purchased from the French guy's shop yesterday. Okay, that was weird…

"Alright then… Er… Rey…" said Riku, laughing nervously as Rey smiled demonically at him, her left eye twitching. "Let's, er, go, then…"

"Okay Riku-senpai!"

"And don't call me that stupid name," muttered Riku-senpai, exiting the tree-house with Rey close behind him, giggling demonically.

"Okay then, Senpai!"

"I thought I told you not to call me that stupid name?"

"Riku _is_ a stupid name, Senpai."

The two good friends continued to bicker in this way as their feet hit the ground and sand shifted beneath their shoes, starting to race across the beach. Rey lost, because she was so busy calling Riku 'Senpai' that she walked straight into a tree. An egg fell down from the uppermost branches and exploded about her in a shower of green and beige shell, and the seagull who'd been caring for it over the past few weeks flew down shortly after it, chasing Rey around and around in circles and attempting to peck her eyes out.

"_So, if there are other worlds out there… Then, I wanna see em! I wanna see em all!_" Sora's far-away voice called from across the beach, Riku following after it. After the voice of Sora and away from the screams of Rey, as the seagull pinned her down to the ground and started to hammer it's beak into her.

**Rule number one:** _show no mercy._

"So, what are we waiting for?" Kairi's now not-so-far-away voice asked Sora, her eyes shining with excitement and her hair blowing about her face.

"Hey! Aren't you guys forgetting about me?" Riku asked proudly, stamping into Sora and Kairi's line of view, a log in his hands for dramatic effect. Where the hell the log had come from, Riku didn't really know. It was probably like Rey's clothes – they appeared when convenient.

"Sora, your eyes are really pretty, like the ocean," Kairi smiled blandly, turning so Riku got an attractive view of her back.

"Hey? Aren't you guys forgetting about me?" Riku tried again.

"Yeah, well, your hair's really nice and awesomey too. I like the way how it goes all shiny and ruby-like and … crap …When you walk under the sun… Like an angel…" mused Sora, smiling, lost in his own little world.

"AREN'T YOU GUYS FORGETTING ABOUT ME?!" Riku shouted loudly, into Kairi's ear.

"You know, I can't help but feel like I've forgotten something…" Kairi pondered, staring out into the ocean.

"Did you remember to brush your teeth, Kairi?"

"Oh … Damn… Yeah, that's what I forgot…"

A few yards away Rey's screams of pain intensified, as several more seagulls swooped down from the trees to peck at random pieces of her.

Riku resigned himself to the fact that they were forgetting about him, and he trailed off in the general direction of Rey, helping the newly arrived Kay and Chell throw coconuts and rocks at the evil birds.

He knew his place.

* * *

Once Rey had got over the general shock of seagulls attacking her face, arms, legs, eyes and any other random limbs that she happened to have on her body, she decided that she wanted a picnic. Riku, of course, objected to this and said that they should keep working on the raft but eventually gave in when Rey claimed that she'd come into his room with a chainsaw and an axe, she was cut off at this point by Kairi. 

So, that is how six teenagers ended up, sat on their lazy asses, watching waves lap against the shore and sandwiches truly becoming **sand**wiches. Well, I lie. I meant, that is how _five_ teenagers ended up, sat on their lazy asses. The sixth teenager catching fish.

"Good fry'n' we'll have tonight, Bob!" she cried out. Riku pulled a face, Sora waved, Kairi nodded, and Chell and Kay carried on as if nothing had happened.

"You just keep on catching those fish, Elle Boberina!" Kay called back. Rey saluted and bent over, looking into the water, and quick as a flash, stuck her hand in and then back out, holding her prize high in the air. It was a slippery, fat, black fish.

She smirked in approval and sat down in the water, letting the fish go free. She watched it swim away, muttering things that sounded a lot like 'That's right little baby fish… swim away… awayawayaway…', dancing a little as she did so.

It was a beautiful sight: the orange glow of the Island's sunset, some teenagers lounging on the sand, and another in the water, swaying in the breeze.

A beautiful sight indeed.

* * *

"It's time…" mumbled a sinister voice, "Finally, all my plans, my hard work – they all come into action, now!" Demonic laughter followed. Sweat trickled down his forehead, now was the time. This was the moment he'd been waiting his whole non-life for. But no longer would it be a 'non-life'. It would be a life, and he'd have a heart, and he'd be whole, and he'd be real. He'd been working for so long on it now, nothing could stop him. "Nothing!" he cried out suddenly. 

They stepped back. All their hopes and dreams rested in the next few minutes. If it failed… they'd hate to even think of the consequences. They had been working so long now. So long. But that wasn't going to happen… No… it _couldn't _happen. Not now…

Demyx quickly wiped a tear from his eye and looked on. He had been looking forward to this moment, so much, and now he was scared. What would it be like? To have a heart… It sounded like a membership or something. He could go to the cinema and say: I have a heart, let me in.

Demyx watched the man before him look on at his creation. The sight was amazing. A giant pink and black heart-shaped vortex like thing, flecked with blues and purples, the sound of a million hearts resounded in the air sending shivers down the boy's back. The sound started to increase.

* * *

Kairi suddenly gasped, and squeezed her eyes shut. 

"Kairi…!"

* * *

Zexion's head twisted to watch another heart join the ultimate congregation. It was pinkish and looked like a special jewel. He smiled, and nodded his head. Everything was going great.

* * *

Riku's outstretched arm shrunk back, and a look of pure horror shrouded his eyes. Sora winced, and crawled over to Riku who looked back at Sora before his eyes clouded over and his shoulders sagged.

* * *

Axel held a fist to his mouth, waiting impatiently. Soon… Another heart added itself to the collection before him. More hearts was good, right?

* * *

Rey waded as fast as she could through the water. Something was wrong. Her stubby legs carried her to shore. But she was too late. Kairi, Riku and Sora lay slumped on the ground, Chell and Kay frantically running round, searching for any sign of the other's lives. Rey looked around confused, before slumping to the ground.

* * *

Larxene bit her lip and stepped from one foot to the other. All she could think about was how soon… so soon she was going to become a person. And no longer would she not exist. She'd be a **real** person! A **real** one! She watched as a heart travelled into the giant one.

* * *

Kay and Chell lay motionless on the sand. The whole of Destiny Islands lay silent. Nothing stirred.

* * *

Xemnas paused to wipe his brow. He realized a whole world had just been imported into his kingdom. His Kingdom Hearts. 

It was not quite complete. About three more hearts would do it. Just about three…

Then he saw them.

The other Organization members stepped back. There was something not quite right. These hearts seemed… different. They weren't pure pink and jewel-like, like the other hearts. These ones were purplish, and flecked with thick streaks of black. The shape of these hearts was different, too. It was more chubby, and bulgy. The edges were smooth and rounded off, unlike those of the previous hearts which had defined corners and jutted out edges.

Xemnas stopped mid gulp.

This. Wasn't. Happening.

"**BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!**"

* * *

**A/N:** _Well, mon chappie chaps, I am very pleased with this chapter – it is good. By the way, the hearts of Rey, Chell and Kay are not **real** hearts; they're just a bit more Barney-like. I hate Barney. He scared me when I was young. Very much so. Sorry about the shortness. Hehe…_

**Eddy:** /_brandishes shot gun/ REVIEW!_

**A/N:** _o.O_


	7. C6: end this charade

**_Throwingrocks_sat_Kingdom_Hearts**

**(And_generally_making_Xemnas_mad)**

**-o-o- Chapter 6-o-o-**

_-x-x- End This Charade-x-x-

* * *

_

Sora's eyes widened in horror, shock, and a little bit more horror.

He looked sort of like one of those stupid people in old, black and white, pathetically non-realistic and non-scary **scary** films. Which failed to be scary on several levels. His eyes were large with fright, as if he had just picked up the phone and heard a weird old man talk about '_having his number_'. Or her number, as it most often was in horror films.

Only Sora hadn't just picked up a phone and he wasn't being stalked by a man with an un-naturally deep voice who had somehow broken into his flat.

He was sat on this little piece of island which he supposed must be the remnants of his home after those weird little black bugs came along and devoured everything. Save the spit of land he was on, of course.

It looked like the evil dark creatures were trying pretty valiantly to take over the last little piece of the island, however – a dark sea of the evil monsters with bright yellow eyes were swarming around, pressing down from all corners. Sora wasn't sure where the monsters ended and the deep purple sky began.

Riku had just been engulfed in the darkness.

Kairi had simply … disappeared … after a few eerily creepy parting words, her voice sounding oddly zombie-like.

Rey, Chell and Kay … He wasn't sure where they were.

They were probably at their little tree house when the monsters came, and had been taken away like Riku and Kairi. Or maybe … They'd been blown up along with the rest of the island?

Sora didn't have enough time to ponder this idea.

Another one of the monsters started to grow out of the ground, pushing up from the scattered debris and dying plants like the beanstalk in that old fairy tail. It was about quadruple the size of all the other little ones. Darkness was seeping off it in thick tendrils, and its head rose up, golden eyes staring up at the empty sky. Black shrouded all the stars and planets and other little glowy things one expected to find in the sky. Only the moon managed to pierce through the darkness, glinting on the massive monster.

Limbs flexed, hair blew around its face, clawed fists slamming into the ground.

He recognized this creature from somewhere…

He suddenly realized that throwing the 'keyblade' that he had received earlier down and leaving it there had been a very bad idea. So he raced back a little way to find the keyblade wedged in the sand, the same sand that was blowing into Sora's eyes and dropping itself into his hair.

His face screwed up in concentration as he attempted to pull the blade out of the sand. Eventually it dropped out and landed in his hands. Sora's eyes drooped a little as he turned round to face the monster yet again.

He took a deep breath, and breathing out a short scream, he flung himself at the creature. His keyblade flashed as he raced into the darkness, he felt it press in on him, but he kept on hitting anything he could get to.

This 'swing madly and blindly at anything and hope you've hit it' sort of fighting style seemed to work pretty well for a while, until the boy found it rather impossible to raise his weapon up to counter a burst of purplish-white light that was flying gracefully through the sky in the general direction of his head.

He'd swung the keyblade back too wildly and gotten it lodged in the sand.

Well _boo_ he thought unhappily, as his doom drew nearer and nearer to him.

This was _unfair_. He'd never fought evil monsters from hell before, unless the monster from hell happened to be called Wakka.

And not even Wakka could shoot purple energy beams from a hole in his chest.

Sora screamed and leapt to the side, dodging the attack. He then ran back up to his keyblade and tried wildly to pull it from the ground, keeping an eye on the monster as it raised its arms slowly and mechanically, readying another attack.

Just as the fist was about to plough down into Sora's side, a piece of driftwood was pulled up from the ground by a sudden gust of breeze.

The thick piece of wood swirled around in the vortex that was dragging the island up, hitting the mysterious enemy roughly about the head.

The creature staggered backwards, and Sora watched in awe as the confused and dazed creature was pulled up into a large black portal-like object that was hovering over the island. It was expanding and making sickening noises as it pulled objects and plants into its swirling centre, its sheer power making the hair on the back of Sora's neck stand up. It seemed to have enough power to suck in the stars…

And if it could suck in the stars then a little fourteen year old boy had no chance, really.

Sora yelled for the fifth time in the past minute, gripping tightly onto an object that was jutting out of the sand. Sand, that was flying everywhere, into his clothes and face, grit getting into his eyes, making them water.

His grip started to slip, as he was ripped roughly off the remnants of his home, thrust into a strange new world that waited 'beyond the portal'.

* * *

Xemnas stared up at his Kingdom Hearts with a flabbergasted look on his face. A.k.a., he looked like somebody had just strolled up to him in the middle of a busy street and slapped him in the face with a fish. Or somebody who had just witnessed their life's work go up in smoke. 

Which was strangely ironic, because that was what he had just done.

He hadn't been slapped in the face with a fish, but he had just witnessed the product of his life's work go up in smoke. With a lot of fancy explosions.

_Nine years. Nine whole years. Gone up in smoke._

Kingdom Hearts was only half-way completed when the other five joined the organization, but they all quickly understood its importance. They all tried to help, because they all wanted their hearts back.

To be quite honest, Xemnas didn't care about them. But he did care about him, and he had wanted his heart back for a very long time. To enjoy the feeling of that muscle thumping inside his ribcage, sending blood – _blood_ – gushing through his body like a red waterfall. To be able to feel something, anything, apart from that horrible emptiness that bit at his insides. The lack of a pulse. He just wanted something to ease the horrible, empty feeling that gnawed relentlessly at him, reminding him that he wasn't a proper person.

_All he wanted was a heart. All they wanted were hearts._

Xemnas watched as his Kingdom Hearts started to dissipate before his eyes, pink hearts rising up from the stormy purple center, all beating with a fixed rhythm as they flew up and disappeared. Off to people who needed them more.

And Xemnas glared, the sound of the beating hearts slipping from his organization's grasps forever reminding him, once again, they weren't meant to exist. They didn't deserve hearts.

A portal opened up behind him with a great rushing of air, as a nobody known as 'Saïx' emerged from it, looking upon the scene of destruction with indifference in his golden eyes.

"Xemnas! Is Kingdom Hearts ready?" inquired the almighty blue-haired and scar-faced one.

"NO!" screamed Xemnas, sounding an awful lot like a Harpy. Or Larxene.

"So I can finally end this charade?"

A vein popped at the side of Xemnas's head and his eye twitched to show he wouldn't hesitate in the act of summoning a butcher knife and sticking it in Saïx.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WEREN'T YOU LISTENING TO ME?!?!?!?!?! **NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO** " Xemnas roared.

Saïx backed away slowly (A.k.a. was blown back about fifty feet), just in case Xemnas did summon a butcher knife, as he was very prone to doing when somewhere annoyed him.

"Grrr..." snarled Xemnas, pacing back and forth on his platform. "It.Was.Those.Girls.Axel.Told.Me.About," hissed the man, his fists clenched at his sides. They were balled up into fists so tightly the bone could be seen, jutting out underneath the skin. "They.Were.Not.From.Our.World. Their hearts were** contaminated**.. They destroyed our ... My ... Kingdom Hearts... They will pay... Oh yes... I will find them and HURT them all."

"Don't you mean _kill_?" asked Saïx tentatively from the corner.

"HURT and KILL them all!" Xemnas rectified his little mistake. "Saïx, go and tell Axel to go and wait in Traverse Town for the arrival of the girls. That's where everybody who's lost their home ends up eventually. Tell him to go and find one and bring them back here. Knowing how 'noble' and 'heroic' they all are, they will probably come running after the one missing member in their little 'team'. And then we'll have them in our clutches, and we can kill them..."

"And what about the Oblivion project?" asked Saïx from his corner.

"Go tell Marluxia to see to that."

"Right away," said Saïx in a sort of humble voice, bowing his head as he walked back through a newly-created portal.

Xemnas, meanwhile, stewed in his own juices.

Soon, very soon, he would have those three girls...

Revenge was a dish best served cold...

* * *

**A/N: **Or maybe revenge tastes best baked at room temperature with a nice salad garnish and a red hat. 

But then again, we'll never know...


	8. C7: Traverse Town

**_Throwingrocks_sat_Kingdom_Hearts**

**(And_generally_making_Xemnas_mad)**

**-o-o- Chapter 7-o-o-**

_-x-x-Traverse Town-x-x-

* * *

_

Pluto was usually a smart dog, and this being so, he ran off to find the keyblade wielder himself. But, it seemed he had just hit the jackpot. As well as the keyblade wielder he had found some sort of keyblade-wielder-guardian.

"Uhnn..." Sora's eyes flickered a few moments before they opened, bright and clear. Except, everything wasn't so clear due to the build up of sleepy dust. He rubbed his eyes and stretched his arms out. Suddenly, something wet and slimy creep up his cheek. "WHAT?!!"

He turned to look beside him, there was a dog, and that Rey girl. Where Rey had come from he did not know, but she seemed to be kicking something in her sleep. Therefore, it was obviously Rey's fault.

He elbowed Rey sharply, "Why did you _lick_ me?" he asked, narrowing his eyes.

"Wha-What?" asked Rey, stretching out her limbs and yawning as she woke up. She smiled, and jumped up. "Doggy!" she cried out, reaching forward to stroke Pluto. Pluto had other ideas though, he didn't want to be stroked by some _girl_ , he wanted to be away, looking for Mickey. Not that he liked Mickey, Mickey was never that good to him. Goofy lived in a house and had shoes but Pluto lived in a dog house at the bottom of the garden, and shoes were a luxury. Why, back in his day...

That is why Pluto was off, running again, on his endless search for Mickey and more pointless missions.

"Rey!" Rey turned round, a happy smile printed to her face. Sora felt like kicking something, "Now, how are we going to get anywhere without that dog?!" he screeched. Rey shrugged.

"Menono. Why would we need a dumb dog to tell us where to go, anyway?" she asked, rifling round behind some boxes. Letting out a cry of triumph, she pulled out another girl. Sora's eye twitched. Two. Of. Them?

"Huh?" mumbled the other girl. Rey grinned maniacally, glaring down at the poor little person we will now call 'Other Girl'.

"Who are you?" asked Rey, pointing at the girl. She didn't like this 'Other Girl'; she had smooth, silky blonde hair, flawless white skin and large blue that stared intently into your soul. Sora growled and shuddered, mumbling something about his soul burning...

"I am Mary-Sue, and I have travelled far," she said, flicking her hair back after every word, "I have come to seek the one they call the **'Keybearer'** for it is him I am destined to fall in love with!" she held a fist to her chest, and flicked another piece of shining hair behind her shoulder. "Do _you_ know where I might find this illustrious keybearer?" she asked Sora, rather flirtatiously.

Sora's eyes shifted around the alley way – which was rather filthy, he wondered how she had stayed so clean whilst sleeping behind dirty boxes which housed rats and such. "Er... no... I don't actually..." 'Mary-Sue' sighed.

"Alas! Now, I shall seek him. Farewell, weary travellers!" she walked out the alley backwards, failing to miss the roaming monster which subsequently killed her.

"..." Sora and Rey watched with mild interest as one of the bug like monsters clawed out a gleaming light pink crystalline object from her chest. Rey growled and shielded her eyes and screeched, "Heart burrrrrrrn!" and Sora yet again mumbled something about his soul burning.

The girl disappeared, as did the evil monster that had taken her heart, which Sora guessed couldn't be that evil. Sora owed that guy one. He really did. He didn't want some 'Mary-Sue' falling in love with him!

"So, Sora! Shall we go?" Sora looked at Rey and grimaced.

"No."

"But-"

"Just no."

"Oh..." and with that Rey wandered off into the great outdoors that was the great outdoors. Forgetting the fact that they had already been in the 'great outdoors' to begin with. Sora sighed and, his back arched and his eyes following the floor, he followed her, slowly.

* * *

It was a nice little town.

It had quaint lampposts that cast little circles of yellow on the stone ground, and streets lined with shops and cafés. The dark sky hung over everything, the stars twinkling merrily, looking down at the town and its inhabitants.

And the big red postbox was a work of art – it had a tongue. And a **hat**.

This was Chell's sort of town – it had cool postboxes and 'cute' little lampposts, roly-poly houses that looked quite fat **and** it was populated by odd creatures that all seemed to have pompoms on their heads and names like '_Kupo_' and '_Kupoooo'_ and '_Don't Touch the PomPom Kupo'_.

Chell was feeling very at home in this odd place.

That was probably why she was very annoyed when a weird guy jumped out at her from behind a trash can and dragged her away from her town.

She was getting kidnapped by a guy with _weird_ hair and she wasn't getting kidnapped in a cool way, either.

She could tell no great plot had been formed regarding the capture of her. The guy had simply lurked behind a trash can and jumped out at her. Where were his manners? The cool sword fights? The 'chocolate-brown haired youth' with 'impossibly deep blue orbs' who wielded 'a weapon of amazing power and ruin'?

Why was no perfect teen coming to her rescue? Why was no perfect teen slaying this evil guy? Why was no perfect teen coming along so she could look in his eyes and then poke them?

Why did nobody care that she had nobody to poke?

And, more importantly, why did nobody care she wad being kidnapped?

And, even more importantly still, why did nobody care she had not yet said goodbye to the cool postbox with the funky hat?

"Let me go or I'll ... I'll ... KILL YOU!" cried Chell.

"Ah... Young love..." muttered a random little voice in the background.

Chell turned around to see Rey and Sora walking away from her towards a store that seemed to be called the 'A---SS--- STORE'. Which she supposed was not called the 'Ass Store'. Some yob must have knocked the rest of the letters off the flashing neon sign that was proudly proclaiming the 'A—-SS--- STORE IS OPEN'.

"REY!" screamed Chell, flailing her arms around desperately like a headless chicken. "REY!"

There was no reply, as Rey walked into the Ass Store with Sora, the centre of all EVIL.

"She's gone to the dark side..." mumbled Chell, sniffing. "Oh well ... I've always got my emergency fork!" she cried, pulling her emergency fork from her pocket with a flourish.

She then proceeded to stab her captor in the side with this fork several tines, until it snapped.

Maybe plastic forks weren't revolutionary fighting gear of the 21st century, after all.

* * *

"Yo, kids!" came cheery voice from behind the counter. Sora and Rey turned round to see an old, old, **old** man.

"Woah, mister... how many times have you bleached your hair...?" Rey mumbled in awe. The man's eye twitched.

"Why you little..." His eye twitched again, and he looked at Sora rather than the little girl next to him. That kid had a more trustworthy face, he wasn't climbing on top of the shelves looking at treasure chests from last year's 'Pirate Day'. "So... what can I do you for?" he asked, muttering it darkly.

The boy pondered for a moment, before extruding his arm, "I'm Sora!" he exclaimed. The man blinked. "And I don't know where the hell I am!" The girl on top of the shelf suddenly fell off and immediately turned to the fire place.

"I'm Cid. And this is Traverse Town. Make-" Cid was paused at this point by the girl hollering some sort of war cry. "Make. Yourself. At. Home..." muttered Cid through clenched teeth. Sora grinned.

"Thanks! C'mon Rey!"

"Coming!" trilled the 'Rey' girl. Cid narrowed his eyes as she skipped out of the shop. "Guess what I found..." she mumbled, as though she were about to explode. Sora shrugged.

"What have you got?" Sora asked as Rey held out a clenched fist, obviously containing something of much importance.

"I have..." she unclenched her fist, and there, laid in her palm was a doughnut. "A doughnut!!" Sora squealed in delight and grabbed it. "Nuh uh! We have to **share** it!" Sora growled and ripped off half of it. He handed Rey one of the pieces – it was obviously the smaller piece. She narrowed her eyes but took it anyway, shaking her fist nonetheless.

"They'll keep coming after you..."

Sora and Rey suddenly saw someone they hadn't seen before. There was a man leaning against a wall. His eyes were shaded over by a shadow casted from the bangs that hid half of his face. Rey smiled, "Is this what an _emo_ looks like, Sora?" she whispered.

Sora frowned in concentration, "No... No, I think this is what a male model looks like..." he muttered back. The man frowned... again.

"As long as you wield the keyblade."

"What'll keep coming after me?" asked Sora. Rey giggled, pointing at the man mumbling some joke which consisted of the word 'him'.

"... I'm sorry but I have to ask you to take a little nap, now."

Sora's eyes widened, and Rey growled. "Only my mother and Riku may ask me to take a nap!"

"Why Riku?"

"He thinks he's my mother."

"Oh."

While they were conversing about Riku and mothers, the man took this opportune opportunity to knock both unconscious. A smirk came upon his lips, but it was short lived as his back gave way and he crawled back to his wall. His lovely wall. Without his wall, his back would give way every other second.

* * *

"I hope you know that I _still_ don't appreciate being dragged through an 'endless corridor' of darkness," Chell informed the stranger for the third time that minute.

"You didn't appreciate it _five seconds ago_ either," hissed the cloaked stranger with red hair, tightening his hold around her wrist. The girl whimpered, as his long fingernails dug into her skin. He had a hold like a python, once it gripped its prey there was no escape. It would have to resign itself to the fact it was going to be eaten.

Now, Chell was a very smart (?) little girl, and she knew this man wasn't going to eat her (unless he was a cannibal, which he might be, which would mean at the end of this ordeal she would be dipped in tartar sauce and devoured). She had pretty much resigned herself to the fact that she was not going to break free from this man, however.

So, even though she kept saying things like 'I will kill you' and 'Your death is nay' she knew it wasn't. She wasn't even trying to run away any more.

"So... Where are we?" asked Chell after a while, trying to start up a nice, friendly conversation with her captor

"The eternal pits of despair," replied the person in a rather sarcastic tone of voice.

"And where are we going?"

"The never-regions of your soul."

"Oh..." replied Chell, seeming satisfied with her answer. For a while. Until she decided that things were getting too quiet again. "So... I hear you get lovely weather here?"

There was no reply.

"... You're wearing a very nice hat."

No reply.

"What's your name?"

"Jamal," replied the person in his trademark sarcastic tone of voice. Chell was too sweet and innocent to pick up on the sarcasm, however – she simply smiled and nodded and said her name was Chell and Jamal was a very nice name.

Axel groaned, as 'Chell' continued to ask 'Jamal' (a.k.a. Him) lots of long, boring, pointless questions, that all seemed to revolve around hats, teacups, life, the universe and _everything_.

* * *

Rey woke up to the lovely tones of _that man_. And _that boy_. A.k.a. _That man_ and Sora.

"What are you guys talking about then?" she asked cheerily.

_That man_ glared at her, looming over Rey. She whimpered as he began to talk, "So... _little girl_," he spat, "What weapon do you possess? Maybe the _heartblade_, or the iceblade or the **darkblade**? Hm? Or maybe... haw haw haw... the _**hat**_blade! Ba ha ha ha ha ha!" The man gave himself a few moments to laugh demonically.

A little voice in the corner sounded as a little boy with a seemingly odd looking stick with a hat attached to it looked around sadly, "So... my hatblade is silly? You've downed my spirits... I'll never be able to defeat the evil hatless now..." And with that the boy ran away crying.

"... I do not possess any weapon at all."

_That man_ sighed in relief, "Well... that's a difference from the last fifty we had lurking around here!_ love_blades and _glove_blades and _dove_blades and even... _fish_blades flying about all over the place. Havoc... Havoc..." Sora and Rey looked at each other with confused expressions on their faces.

Yuffie laughed nervously, "That's Squ- Leon for ya! Hi, I'm Yuffie, what's your name?" she asked, holding out a hand. Rey looked at her hand and shook it, her eyes darting around the room.

"Hey... Squeeleeon, I'm Rey..." said Rey. Squeeleeon looked at her with a murderous expression on his face. He could not go over and stab a gunblade in her, however, if he left the safety of his wall... people would see his... problem.

Just before Squeeleeon was going to say something about how much he wanted to kill Rey and wasn't it a boy's name? He was stopped by Yuffie screaming, and pointing at a rattling _monster_ of some sort. It looked similar to the one they had seen earlier, the one that was bug like and had antenna and with glowing yellow eyes. This one however, had ... armour. And was blueish. But still with the glowing yellow eyes.

Sora jumped up and grabbed his keyblade. Rey jumped up too, and grabbed a leaf. Squeeleeon mumbled something about death before shoving Rey in the direction of Yuffie and the door. Sora and Squeeleeon ran off onto the balcony and down into the alley way. Yuffie pushed Rey out of the door with her as they ran down the Hotel hallway, with another girl following running after them. Rey was sure she heard a faint 'quack' of indignation, but she guessed she was just imagining it...

She followed Yuffie and the other girl right until they got to some great big doors after running down a short passage. Yuffie squeezed her eyes shut and pushed against the door as some of the monsters started to appear. Rey bit her lip, and grabbed a stick from the floor, prodding the creatures until Yuffie had the door open.

Once they were out, Rey noticed a gash on her arm. "Ow..." she mumbled, rubbing it, making it burn more, "OW!"

Running round in circles, screaming about evil black things with intent on making her arm hurt, the wound on Rey's arm eventually subsided and she decided she'd make herself useful.

"So, where's Sora and Squeeleeon?" she asked, sweetly, to the Yuffie. Yuffie scratched her head.

"Aerith, where's Squall, now?" Aerith put a finger to her chin.

"Leon will probably be in Third District, by now."

Rey's eye twitched as the multiple names Squeeleeon owned washed over her, "Where's Third District, and what is Squeeleeon _really_ called?" she asked, feeling the urge to break down right then and there, screaming about her problems. Probably crying, too. Attention was good.

"I'll take you to third District, if ya want!" cried Yuffie. Aerith smiled.

"You're name's Rey, right? Well, Rey, I honestly don't know what his name really is. But I'm starting to like the one of 'Squeeleeon'. Good job."

Rey grinned, "Now, can I go help Sora?" Yuffie smiled.

"Sure!"

Yuffie took her back through the big doors, and into the other district. Rey liked this district. She could prod things in this district. She grabbed her handy stick and prodded a few of the creatures. "So, what are these things, then?" she shouted as they ran down a passage and some stairs.

"They're called... heartless!" she panted as they raced down into a large pitch like area. Rey followed Yuffie as more heartless appeared chasing them into a smaller alley where a brightly coloured door lay. Yuffie quickened her pace and pulled at the door handle, and finally she managed to open it. "There."

They found themselves on a ridge, jutting out over another arena like place. Yuffie jumped onto a roof top, and hauled Rey up with her. Their feet pattered over tiles on the roof and if Rey looked down she could see Sora, with some strange new friends battling a huge heartless. It looked like five seperate ones though, and every other time she looked down one more piece of it was missing.

Eventually she found herself standing next to Yuffie on a balcony of some sort. Rey brandished her stick and waved to Sora, "Hey Sora! You're doing **great**!!" she called out.

By now, only the body was left. Rey leant over the railings of the balcony eagerly, and brandished her stick again. She gasped as it fell from her hands, and just as the huge heartless was about to take it's final attack and either knock Sora out or kill him, the stick hit it on the head, and the whole body gave in and imploded, making an awful lot of black and purple smoke travel upwards with a pink jewel-like heart travelling along with it.

Sora grinned, and waved to Yuffie.

"Wow! Yuffie, you were _fantastic_!!" Yuffie smiled and saluted.

"I always am! ... What did I do?"

Rey pouted.

* * *

**A/N: **_/LE GASPE/ Silly Sora... thinking it was Yuffie who killed Guard Armour..._

_Hehe._

Happy reviewing!


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